Let's close 2020 better than we started it

A year has gone by and the short summary of Esther is “you are doing better than at the start of 2020”. I agree, especially when you look at my mental state. Even if you think about the upcoming decision that I will probably not work anymore. At least not like I was used to.

Year 2020 was about thinking positive, work on both my mental and physical health, follow your dreams and feeling blessed that there are people who believe in me. 2021 will be a year with new challenges and personal growth.

My brains will not recover, but that doesn’t mean I cannot enjoy life, or that I have to cry the whole day. I am not feeling pathetic, you don’t have to feel sorry for me. Of course, let’s be clear, if I had a choice, I would go back to the life before, but that is not an option, so make the best of what you have now. It doesn’t mean I am alway happy, I do get frustrated by times and that is okay.

I will also point out that if you ask me how I am doing and I will answer “I am doing okay/good” or something like that, that it doesn’t mean I will get back to school to teach or that the brain injury is gone. I means that I have a good day. Just like that. The reason I point that out here, because it is often the answer/question I get back. And that does frustrate me, in such a way, that apparently I cannot say I have a good day without pointing out I still have the brain damage. And then this particularly person points me in a direction I do not want. I am more than the brain damage and I do have good and bad days. Just like everybody else.

In the meantime, I still work twice a week two hours at Bikeshop Amersfoort (follow their social media to see some of my work), I am knitting (pictures of finished projects will appear on Instagram), resting, using my daylight glasses to start the day and being outside as much as possible enjoying the different aspects nature shows me.

Also one not so nice aspect... I had a dog attack, which was really scary, but in the end just my shoes are damages and I am fine, but to stay on the safe side: walking that same weekend was in an area where dogs are forbidden. The ride after the one I had the dog attack, I took Esther on a ride to protect me. Just joking... but project tandem started. I borrowed one by the KNWU to practice, so as soon as we can train together with other people, at least I am used to the bike. My time-trail trainings have started as well and when you go out for a real nice gravel ride... well... you get dirty, but if you leave early in the morning, you also get this beautiful sunrise as well.

I have dreams for 2021, but they are still in my sketchbook, not ready to share yet. Dream big and make small steps to reach your goals. I will keep you informed.

Be kind, to others and to yourself. Love life, love nature and stay healthy!