What the accident brought me...

So this time not a real update of the last months, but more something I have been thinking over lately. I hope that it also helps people in my surroundings to realize (if they not already do) that I am not sad or anything. Yes, January was a though month, but February was already much better.

This time my blog is about what the accident brought me, because a lot of good things happened as well.

More relaxed lifestyle

People who know me from before the accident, know that I was working hard, training long hours, spending time with friends, don’t forget the Mrs and doing 10 things at the same time. It was working for me, because I do have a lot of energy and I don’t like to sit down, but I often also forgot to enjoy the moment or take some time off. Since the accident my life slowed down, almost to the speed of a traffic jam, or riding up a 24% steep hill, but it learned me also something.

After the morning routine with breakfast, dressing up, I need some time to really start the day. In that moment I have time for my cat, watch outside the window to see birds and sometimes a squirrel. And start the day with some knitting work. If I walk in the forest, it is not about making as much kilometers as possible in little time as possible, but I take the time to watch birds, make pictures and just listen to nature. Watching birds became a new hobby and although it is really difficult, I enjoy the feeling of seeing a ‘new’ bird. Also with biking, I have a more adventures way of riding with my gravel bike, just discovering new roads and taking time to look around. So not adventures in that I do difficult single trails kind of things, far away from that! Easy offroad, not technical, but really cool to ride on.

After work, or social contacts or things that cost me energy, I now take time to recover from it instead of rushing on to the next thing. I can enjoy sitting on the couch and then it helps that Fenna (our cat) is always around. I relax with knitting projects, often combined with listening to podcasts.

I also learned to slow down with yoga and meditation, of which I always thought it would not be something for me, because I am to restless. I learned meditation with the Headspace app, doing some yoga excersises I watch online and my Garmin watch has a few yoga programs. Yoga is really good for my body and I notice a difference when e.g. I am on my timetrial bike, but it is also helping me to

Listen to my body

I used to ignore the signals of my body and mind. When I wanted something I just did it, even when I was tired. The overtraining of 2018 already learned me to slow down a bit and to listen to the signal of my body, but after the brain injury it became even more important and somehow I learned it and now it is just quite normal. Of course (since my character did not really change) I often want just a bit more. Three hours gravel on the schedule sometimes still becomes an hour more, but it not regular anymore. When it happens, I have a good brain day and want to enjoy ever minute of it and gravel biking shows so much prettiness of the Netherlands, taking an extra turn is so easy then. The rest of the time I follow the scheme of Paul and that’s it.

I take care of my body with yoga and meditation, I have a sportmassage on regular bases, I go to a physiotherapist when I have little pains and make sure to visit the chiropractor every six weeks (hopefully he is allowed to open soon again). The work of the chiropractor makes that the pain in my head is less, so it is a really pity is had to close down due to the regulations.

Friendships

In life friends are coming and friends are going, so, that is not really something special. However, I do have noticed some of my friendships have changed over the last two years, which for my feeling, are due to my brain injury. I lost contact with some really close friends, which I be sorry of, but some friendships changed really positively. Some friends told me that I was a more closed person, not really talking about how I feel or what so ever, but that I now opened up and we can have good and bad days together. There are friends who take care of me and invite me for dinner almost every week, when Esther is in Dordrecht for work. Also with a friend from Leipzig, although we are not able to see each other now and everything goes online, we have an even better developed friendship and that is so valuable for me. Another friend brings chocolate, calls regular to see if I am okay, even got this great sweater (see an earlier blog) and when we cycle together, he always makes sure I am safe. I made new friends after joining ZV Hoogland, that makes me also really happy. They do not know the “before”, which is sometimes nice as well.

So although I miss contact with some friends, the ones that are still there became better. I feel so lucky to have them around.

Enjoy the little things

Since I am not racing around the clock anymore, I have more time to enjoy things, like written above. Another thing is that I enjoy little things more. I can be small progression on recovery, for example, my short term memory is not so good anymore. When I remember something Esther already told me, I just mention that with a happy smile. Or if I receive a postcard, it does me so much more then before. Taking time to read it, make sure it gets a nice place in the living room and every time you walk by, it gives me a smile. I am also really happy with working at the Bikeshop and that they are happy to see me (or at least they act that they are happy haha). Or the time that I can actually enter a grocery store and being able to do some shopping, instead running out directly, because it is just too much to handle.

I am also enjoying the little birds coming to are balcony for food, even if it are the same birds like yesterday. I don’t remember that anyhow ;-). Or the ride on the beach today, first time ever. Or that a former students asks how I am doing. And I think I miss here so many small moments I enjoy, but I think you get the feeling. Live by the moment and enjoy.

To conclude… yes, life can be though, but I am not a sad person. I can still make something beautiful out of my life, especially with Esther by my side. I life my live the best I can and so far I think I am doing a good job. Thanks to everyone helping me with that!